Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
Why is it snowing, Grandma?
Where does it come from?
Oh, that's a long story, sweetheart.
I want to hear.
Oh, not tonight. Go to sleep.
I'm not sleepy.
Tell me, please.
Well, all right.
Let's see.
I guess it would have to start with scissors.
Scissors?
Well, there are all kinds of scissors,
and once there was even a man
who had scissors for hands.
A man?
Yes.
Hands, scissors?
No, scissor hands.
You know the mansion
on top of the mountain?
It's haunted.
Well...
a long time ago,
an inventor lived in that mansion.
He made many things, I suppose.
He also created a man.
He gave him insides,
a heart, a brain, everything.
Well, almost everything.
You see, the inventor was very old.
He died before he got to finish
the man he invented,
so the man was left by himself...
incomplete and all alone.
He didn't have a name?
Of course he had a name.
His name was Edward.
[Hammering]
[Doorbell Rings]
Avon calling.
Weren't you just here?
No, not since last season.
I've come to show you our exquisite new line
of softer colors in shadows,
blushes, and lipstick.
Everything you need to accent and highlight your changing look.
My changing look. That's good.
Well, it goes without saying
I have a complete selection of your old favorites...
those tried-and-true products
we've all come to depend on.
Peg, I never buy anything from you. You know that.
I know. Bye, Helen.
You didn't have to call me, ma'am.
You could have taken care of this yourself.
I could? I don't think so.
Yeah. It's easy.
Your food trap's clogged. That's all.
See this bulb here? You just unscrew this.
Mm-hmm.
And out she pops.
On TV they say repairmen are lonely.
Housewives get lonely, too.
You may not realize it.
They haven't made a commercial on the subject.
Put this back in here nice and easy.
Be careful not to force it
because it fits in there by itself.
[Doorbell Rings]
Oh, now who could that be?
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Now, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.
This is fascinating.
I wouldn't want to miss a moment of it.
Good morning, Joyce. Avon calling.
Why, Peg, have you gone blind?
Can't you see there's a vehicle in my driveway?
Oh... yes.
I'm surprised you don't realize that means I'm busy.
Now we should decide on lipsticks.
What one did you like best?
There was the Winsome Wahini,
which looked charming on you, or the Bahimini Bliss.
I like them both.
Well, great.
You don't actually think I have any money, do you?
# Ding dong, the Avon lady ##
It's just not my day.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Hello?
[Birds Flying]
Hello?
Avon calling.
Oh, my.
[Snipping]
Hello?
Hello. I'm Peg Boggs.
I'm your local Avon representative.
Hello?
I'm sorry to barge in like this,
but you don't have any reason to be afraid.
Ooh! This is some huge house, isn't it?
Thank goodness for those aerobics...
classes.
[Snipping]
Hello?
Why are you hiding back there?
You don't have to hide from me.
I'm Peg Boggs.
I'm your local Avon representative,
and I'm as harmless as cherry p...
Oh, my.
I can see I've disturbed you.
How stupid of me. I'll be going now.
Don't go.
Oh, my.
What happened to you?
I'm not finished.
Oh! Put those down.
Don't come any closer. Just... Please...
Those are your hands?
Those are your hands.
What happened to you?
Where are your parents? Um...
your mother?
Your father?
He didn't wake up.
Are you alone? Do you live up here all by yourself?
What happened to your face?
Hmm.
No, I won't hurt you.
But at the very least,
let me give you a good astringent,
and this will help to prevent infection.
What's your name?
Edward.
I think you should just come home with me.
Ohh!
I'm... I'm sorry.
No, don't be. You go ahead and look.
You have every reason to be excited.
Oh! Are you OK?
Are you OK?
[Ring]
Hello.
Hi. Yeah, it's Marge.
I was standing outside, talking to Carol,
and Peg drove by. She had somebody in the car.
You get a good look?
No. Did she say anything to you
about having a guest?
She didn't say anything.
She rang my doorbell early this morning.
No. OK I'll meet you on the corner.
Right. Bye.
[Busy Signal]
Oh, damn.
Here we go, dear.
This is our house.
You can just go right in
and make yourself at home, OK?
And have something to eat or drink or whatever you...
Here, dear. This is the front door here.
Here we go. Right in here.
Joyce, I just saw
this strange guy driving with Peg.
He looked kind of pale. I'll be right there.
Don't do anything without me. Bye.
Yes, be right there!
Here we are.
So... and this is the living room,
and back here are the bedrooms.
You want to see the pictures.
All right.
Well, this is my husband Bill.
He's a bowling champion.
Do you know what bowling is?
Bowling?
No. Well, here they are at the lake fishing.
I think Kevin looks a little glum
because they didn't catch anything that day,
and, um, here's my daughter Kim,
all dressed for the junior prom.
She's a senior now, if you can believe it.
She's camping in the mountains with some friends,
but she'll be back in a few days.
You can meet her then.
Isn't she beautiful?
That's my family.
Now, come along, dear.
I'll show you the rest of the house,
then you can freshen up
and make yourself at home.
The kitchen's over there.
Help yourself to anything you want to eat or drink.
Those are grapes. Back here are the bedrooms.
Let me get you some towels.
I'll see what we can find for you to wear.
I think I have some of Bill's old clothes in here.
This is perfect.
Here. These should just fit you.
[Telephone Rings]
Oh! No, no, don't be alarmed.
That's just the phone.
Go in Kim's room and put these on.
I'll be right with you.
[Ring]
No. No, he has scissors.
No, scissors.
That's right.
Well, he was born up there or something.
Have you seen him before?
No. I don't think
he's been off the grounds before today.
You're kidding. How did you get together with him?
I have to go. I'll talk to you later, Marge. Bye-bye.
[Telephone Rings]
I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't...
Oh, dear. May I help you with this?
Thank you.
There you go.
Oh, dear, you've cut your face.
Let me get this right off.
Does that hurt?
No.
No. Good. OK Now let's get you dressed.
OK
There we go.
Very fine.
You look fine, just fine.
Come on. We can't wait for you.
You've got rollers in your damn hair.
OK
Now...
what did I do with my sci...
Edward, um, would you...
Thank you.
I have a doctor friend
who I think could help you.
Really?
Yes.
Now, I can help with the scars.
But I just want to consult
the big Avon handbook before doing anything.
Kevin.
It's not polite to stare, dear.
Kevin, think how it would make you feel
if somebody were staring at you.
I wouldn't care.
I would, so don't do it!
This must be quite a change
for you, right, Ed?
Edward. I think he prefers Edward.
Yeah. Sure.
So, what have you been doing up there
in that big old place?
I bet the view must be spectacular, huh, Ed?
Edward.
Yes?
Um. No, um, I was just...
See all the way to the ocean, huh?
Sometimes.
Bill, could I have the salt and pepper, please?
Bill, dear, could I have the salt and pepper, please?
Thank you.
Kevin.
Man, those things are cool.
You know, I bet they're razor-sharp.
One karate chop to a guy's neck...
Kevin.
Edward...
would you like some butter for your bread?
Great.
Thank you.
Can I bring him to show and tell on Monday?
Kevin, I've had enough.
You think you can sleep?
Things feel strange now,
but soon you'll feel right at home.
Good night.
The light concealing cream goes on first.
Then you blend and blend and blend.
Blending is the secret.
More concealing cream?
Your complexion is so fair...
This has a touch of lavender in it.
Give it a try here.
Close enough.
Okay, this should do the trick, here.
Hmm.
I have another idea.
We'll cover up the scars, and start with a smooth surface.
Darn this stuff!
Hartley into the windup and the strike one pitch.
Swung on and missed. Strike two.
If it's a hit, then the club has 12 hits.
But they still have 11 on the scoreboard.
And it's three to one.
0 and two the count to Warren.
Now they change it to 12 hits.
Turn it up, Kevin. I can't hear it.
Kevin?
Hartley strikes, the pitch is...
- hammered! - Did you hear that?
No. Make it louder!
Way back... It's gone!
It's out of here. It's history.
Dad...
look.
A grand slam for Martinez
to make it a five-run inning
and blow this game to pieces.
I'll be darned.
[Cheering]
[Tape Rewinds]
They filled the whole tape.
What's going on over there, Peg? Call me.
[Beep]
Hi. It's Marge. Who is he? Call me.
I hear it's pouring rain in the mountains.
Think the kids are OK?
[Beep]
Hey, there, darlin'. The gals are in a tizzy
about your secret visitor.
You can't keep him a secret forever.
[Beep]
[Bowling Match On Television]
Well, it's just wonderful, Ed.
You have the whole family in there, don't you?
Edward, come here.
No, no, no, that's a terrible idea, son.
Go to the garage and get the oilcan.
We don't want him rusting up on us.
Edward, you did us?
Oh, Bill, it's us.
Yes, it is.
Oh, Edward!
It's not heaven he's from.
It's straight from the stinking flames of hell.
The power of Satan is in him. I feel it.
Have you poor sheep strayed so far from the path?
We're not sheep.
Don't come near me.
That's right. Go on. Get out of here. Run.
[Doorbell Rings]
Edward, don't listen to her.
Don't worry about her, Edward.
She's just an old loony.
- Hi! - Hi! - Hi!
You all are hiding in there like hermit crabs.
Hi, Joyce.
Shame on you,
keeping your unusual guest all to yourself.
We think that's mighty selfish of you.
Things have been hectic around here.
That's sweet of you to want to correct the situation.
When does the barbecue begin?
Barbecue?
You intend to introduce your guest
to your friends, right?
I'll bring coleslaw.
I'll bring dessert.
And I will bring the ambrosia salad.
What time was it that you said?
What time? Bill!
About 5:00?
Bill!
He has been sent first to tempt you,
but it's not too late.
You must push him from you. Expel him.
Trample down the perversion of nature.
Oh, did you hear that?
He's a perversion of nature.
Why, isn't that exciting?
Ha ha ha ha.
See you later.
Bye-bye.
Thanks so much.
Bill!
You really can't have a picnic
or a barbecue without deviled eggs.
They're just the best.
They make a thing.
Oh, dear, Edward!
That's wonderful!
I didn't know you chopped the whole thing,
but we'll have a really big...
All right. It's just a nick.
There's no need to be nervous.
You know Esmeralda won't be here.
The rest of the neighbors, they're really very nice.
There's no need to be nervous.
They're so eager to meet you.
You just have to be yourself.
Myself?
That's right. Just your own sweet self.
Thanks, Edward.
Hey. Play scissor-paper-stones with us.
Play scissors what?
I got a doctor friend.
Might be able to help you.
[Chattering]
[Chattering Continues]
Hey, George Mi... Whoa!
That's a heck of a handshake you got there, Ed.
Harry! I saw you on the golf course last week!
You got a dozen of the melons...
Are you OK?
Do you want something to eat? Are you hungry?
Do you want a cracker?
He's so different.
Completely different.
No kidding.
He's so...
Mysterious.
Yeah.
Do you imagine those hands are hot or cold?
Just think what a single snip could do.
Or undo.
Eddie. Eddie.
Oh. Oh.
The guys and I were talking.
We'd like to invite you to our card game.
Would you like that?
Only thing is, you can't cut.
I have my own infirmity.
Never did me a bit of harm.
Took some shrapnel during the war.
Ever since then, I can't feel a thing,
not a damn thing.
Don't let anybody tell you
you have a handicap.
Who's handicapped?
My goodness.
Don't be ridiculous.
You're not handicapped.
You're...
What do they call that?
Exceptional.
My name's Joyce.
I noticed that you have not tasted
any of the ambrosia salad
I made especially for you.
Allow me.
Mmm.
You must try this.
It's my mother's recipe.
Let him chew, for heaven sakes.
With your green thumb, I could use your help.
Me, too.
There you go.
I want a row of angels.
He's promised to come to my house first.
One more.
Haven't you, Eddie?
I did?
OK, everybody, grab your plates.
Soup's on.
I thought this was shish kebab.
What?
I thought this was shish kebab.
It was a figure of speech.
Don't take things so literally.
"Let us pretend we're in the drawing room,
and the hostess is serving tea."
"Now, many numerous little questions confront us.
Should the man rise
when he accepts his cup of tea?
May lump sugar be taken with the things?"
Hmm... no.
"Is it good form to accept a second cup?
Now, should the napkin be entirely unfolded
or should the center crease
be allowed to remain?
It is so easy to commit embarrassing blunders,
but etiquette tells us
just what is expected of us
and guards us from all humiliation and discomfort."
Mmm. Yes.
Boring.
Let us switch to, um...
to some poetry, hmm?
"There was an old man from the cape
who made himself garments of crepe.
When asked, Will they tear?
He replied, Here and there,
but they keep such a beautiful shape."
That's right.
Go ahead, smile.
It's funny.
That's right.
OK, guys. We're home.
[Pot Clatters]
Shh.
I can't believe everything's still sopping.
I can't wait to shower
and wash off the mildew.
My parents set the alarm.
I'll sleep in the yard... again.
I told you to call to say we're coming back early.
Did you?
He'd rather complain.
How else can I be the center of attention?
You didn't call your parents.
They don't run their house like a police state.
Bye, guys.
See you later.
Bye.
Don't forget your arm.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, Jim. Let's go.
Aah!
There's somebody in my room!
Go look! Look!
He's a murderer. He has an ax.
He tried to kill me!
Everything's OK
It's all right.
Go back to bed.
Oh, my God!
All right. All right.
Who is he?
That's Edward.
What are you talking about?
There is nothing to be upset about.
No. Oh, no.
No, no, it's OK
We'll have you set up here in a minute.
We got a full queen-size bed here.
It's all made and everything.
There you go.
What's the matter?
What's wrong?
She get you nervous?
You've been cloistered away
in that castle too long.
You don't know anything
about the wonderful world of teenaged girls.
They're all crazy.
Here, this will straighten you out.
What is it?
Lemonade.
I don't know what it is.
They reach a certain age.
They develop these gland things.
Their bodies swell up.
They go crazy.
Glands?
Yeah, glands.
I try not to think about it.
[Slurping]
[Gasping]
Good, isn't it?
You stay in Kevin's room tonight.
Tomorrow we'll fix your room right up.
Why did you bring him here?
I couldn't leave him there.
You would've done the same thing.
Why does he have to stay here?
I'm surprised at you.
He can't help the way he is.
Have a little sympathy.
I do have sympathy.
Then let's just say a little greeting.
Come downstairs, shake his hand...
Shake his hand?
Not literally.
You scared him half to death.
I scared him to death?
Hi, Bill.
I just wanted you two
to have a proper introduction.
Edward, this is our daughter Kim.
Kim, this is Edward, who's going to live with us.
Hi.
Ooh!
Eddie!
Thirsty?
- [Dog Barking] - Hush up!
- Shh. Quiet, now. - [Barking Continues]
I can hardly hear myself think.
Mama's precious little baby girl.
- [Kicks Dog] - [Dog Yelps]
Would you like a nice cool glass of lemonade?
Lemonade?
[Vomiting]
[Bell Rings]
One chop to a guy's neck,
and it's all over.
They're the sharpest things in the world.
They can hack through anything,
and...
I think they look weird.
They give me the creeps.
You should see the clown in Miss Peters' yard.
Kim!
Oh, no.
That's him?
He's calling you, Kimba.
Stop it.
Edward!
You forgot your cookies.
Don't worry, Eddie. She's waiting for you.
Edward said he had lunch at Jackie’s today.
She just had her kitchen completely redone.
I'll be darned.
New paint, cabinets, floors.
New microwave.
New silent dishwasher.
Isn't that wonderful?
Jim, didn't you tell me your mom had her kitchen done?
My dad bought himself a bunch of new toys.
Big-screen TV,
CD players, VCR with four heads.
My goodness sake.
I wonder what it's like to be that rich.
They keep things pretty much locked up.
My father has his own room for his stuff.
He won't even help me buy an old car.
He wants you to pay for it yourself. Builds character.
You'll appreciate it more.
Speaking of money,
I understand you're not charging
for your gardening, Edward.
Now, Bill, Marge made him cookies today.
Sweetheart...
you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.
You can't buy a car with cookies,
am I right, Jim?
That's true, sir. You can't.
I can't eat that.
He used his hands.
I don't think it's sanitary.
I'm sorry.
Honey, you want me to help you clean that up?
No, that's OK
I'll be right back.
[Arf]
Alexis?
Oh, this can't possibly be my Alexis.
She looks so beautiful.
Look at you.
[Arf]
She's gorgeous.
Thank you.
It won't be long.
She just has to decide on the style,
and then it will be fine.
She just has to decide what style she wants.
I was hoping for something big and bouffant,
you know, kind of like mine.
Don't worry, kisses. You'll be just fine.
You'll be so pretty.
Yes, you are.
Ooh!
Oh!
Oh, Eddie, is there anything you can't do?
You take my very breath away.
I swear, look at this.
Have you ever cut a woman's hair?
Would you cut mine?
[Sighs]
That was the single most thrilling experience
of my whole life.